I’ve said it before, I’m grateful – grateful for modern medicine, for a cure, for my GI doctor and my surgeon, for my support system, my family, and my amazing husband. Most of the time I feel that gratitude, but mingled with the gratitude, there’s a mixture of other feelings.
Around the 2-week post-surgery mark, reality started to hit. Prior to surgery, I was dealing with a lot of pain and fatigue which didn’t leave a lot of room left for feelings or for processing everything that the surgery meant and would mean for my future. The first week and a half after the surgery didn’t involve a lot of processing either. I was at the hospital for the first 5 days, and once I was released, the novelty of the everything, the relief from the absence of pain and urgency, the holiday, and the handful of medications I was prescribed made things very easy to cope with. As I neared 2-weeks post-surgery, the physical battle got easier and the mental battle began.
There were a couple of things that really seemed to be impacting me mentally – the emotional process of dealing with grief and loss and working toward acceptance, and the fatigue and boredom. I started to process everything for what seemed like the first time, and I started feeling feelings. I felt loss – loss of normalcy, loss of my summer, loss of time while I recover and go through two more surgeries, loss of timing for plans I had for myself, etc. Additionally, I was just plain tired. The medications were becoming exhausting, and not having the energy I wanted to have was frustrating. Staying at home and “recovering” can be very boring and lonely, and watching Netflix for hours on end loses its pizazz prettttty quickly. My family and husband were vital during this time.
This blog wouldn’t be a full picture of my journey without sharing these things. I truly believe these ups and downs are normal and part of the process of recovery. And just as strongly, I believe it’s important to talk about them, so that others who go through this process, or something similar, know IT IS OKAY and that they are right where they are supposed to be.